The Toy for a Daughter
Did our children have toys? . . . To play them. . .
You don’t understand us. . We search for food all day. . . sometimes we find a worm. . . .
There is nothing else. . .
You can’t believe I didn’t make toys for my daughter. . . .
When the youngest daughter was still little, I made her an olonok. . A stone dagger with a handle in the form of those who come from the sky and take children. .
So that it would always be with her. .
And when the Ship comes down. . . to take her up. . . .
No. . I’ll tell her that later. . . There’s still time. . . Let her grow up a little. .
Her mother and sister were taken to the House. . . These. .
They broke her legs at the knees so she couldn’t run. . . when her time comes. . .
She didn’t get up for a long time. . . Then she began to crawl on all fours a little. . .
I made her crutches to try to get back on her feet. .
She couldn’t walk with me for food. . . There are big stones there. . . It is necessary to climb well. . .
She asked for it, of course. . I didn’t allow her. . . her knees were very sore when she stood for a long time.
So she stayed home alone while I left. . Sometimes for a long time. . . .
She grew up slowly. . .
These once came. . . wanted to make fun of her. . . while I was away. . .
That time I managed to. . . I killed all three of them. . . I dragged the bodies to the House and left them there. .
They never came again…
She already knows what to do with the olonok. . . . I told her everything. .
You just need to stick it in your dimple. . . to the end. . . . Deep. . .
She understood. .
You will die, of course, but your future children, these Upper ones, will not be able to turn. . .
No, not to turn. . . to use. . . . Use their souls. . . So the Tradition says. .
So the olonok was her toy. . . The only toy. She liked to look at the face of the figure on the handle. . . in its big eyes, talked to it about something I didn’t hear everything. . .
She said she liked him. . . this little boy. . . And that she wasn’t afraid of him at all. . .
I thought she was just making it up. . . that there is no boy. . . .
The Tradition says that if you kill future children through your throat, you will become Death. . . .
She knew. I thought I could explain it correctly. . . . She said she wasn’t afraid. . .
Just a little bit. . . That she won’t be afraid at all soon. . .
It’s better than being a mother of remade ones. .
That’s what I thought. . . So I gave her the olonok back then. . . .
I went far that day. . I couldn’t find the worm. . . .
She hadn’t eaten for a long time. . . she was weak. .
When I came back. . . without a worm again. . . she was gone. . .
I was running around everywhere. . . I searched for her. . .
I knew, of course, that they took her while I was away. . . I didn’t want to believe it. . .
Did not want. .
The olonok was in the crack where I told her to hide it. . .
It means she didn’t kill herself and her future children. . . It means. . .
She was waiting for them. . . She knew. . . felt that today they would come for her. . . .
She sat clutching the olonok. . . . No, she didn’t want to kill herself. . She wanted to kill the first person to enter the house first. . Then herself. . It’s the right thing to do. . . . She thought so.
The one she didn’t want to kill came in. . . . She recognized him immediately. . .
A little boy, about three years old, for you. . . and eyes like the handle of the olonok.
He said with the thought that he was the one she always thought of, the one she talked to. . . If she goes with him, he will be her future son. . . They must go there. . . to the Ship. . . It’s waiting for them. . . not far away. . . behind the house. . . . He held out his hand so she could stand up. . . .
She put the olonok in the crack so that her father would know that she had made up her mind. . . .
She leaned on the boy’s arm and walked. . . as best she could. . . She didn’t take a crutch. . . she endured it. . . .
So they entered the Ship.
They put her on the table. . The skull was opened. . . Her brain was almost detached from the brain stem when the Death-Snake killed her. .
We didn’t have time to remove the living brain. . . We will be destroyed for this. . . that we didn’t have time. . .
We didn’t want to make it. . . so we didn’t have time. . Again, we didn’t have time. .
This is probably the only thing we can still do – not have time and that’s it. . . .
I’m sitting alone. . . and without her now. . . It’s dark. . .
It must have been dark for a long time. . . The olonok in my hand. . . It is warm. . . , as if it remembers and stores the warmth of her small hands. . . She put her arms around my neck and pressed her whole body tightly. . . then for a long time she looked into my eyes deeply, as if she was reading something there about me, about all of us. . . .
She’s something special. . . not the same. . We don’t always understand her thoughts.
Her mother said that she looked like me, but I think she looks like her – the same gray eyes with rays, as if they always laugh, the same ashy hair on her shoulders. . .
I stroke the handle of the olonok with my finger. . . I’ve been polishing this black obsidian for a long time. . . The blade was made narrow and smooth to make it easier to enter the throat. . . With no pain. . . almost no pain. .
For some reason, the big round eyes of the figure on the handle turned out to be like a child’s. . . I don’t know why. . . I don’t want to remake it. . . Let this one be kind. . . who will come for her . . . If this happens. . .
This was her toy. . . The boy with the kind eyes.