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 The Main Thing

 

 

 

Do you want me to tell you about myself?

I am LETO, the servant of a wife giving birth to a son for the Emperor.

 

 

There are wives to give him pleasure. There are wives to raise his daughters. And only one wife can give birth to a son.

 

A son is born in order for the Emperor to enter his consciousness and live in it, capturing the young body.

The son must kill the old body. This way the Emperor lives forever changing bodies.

 

 

I have to make sure that the girl who gives birth to his son is a virgin and wants to give birth to a boy.

The conception of a son for the new body of the Emperor can only be done once a Cycle – at the summer solstice.

 

If you don’t want a boy, he won’t be born. If a girl is born, then the next conception of a boy is possible only after three Cycles, which is fifteen years for you.

 

The Emperor is too old and is not sure that his body will last six Cycles to have time to conceive a son and that he will have time to grow up.

 

If the new body of the Emperor is ready for the transfer of consciousness from the old body, then after six Cycles, he must cut off the old body’s head. This is how the transition ends.

 

The Emperor is afraid of this and decided to conceive a boy when he became very old. So he thinks that in this Cycle he must make a new body for himself, otherwise it will be too late.

 

The most beautiful girl was prepared for him. She is from O Genus. She is only three Cycles old, but she has to give birth to a big baby, the Emperor is almost twice her size, and the baby has to fit in her belly.

 

She is afraid of him, and I must guard her so that she does not kill herself and deprive him of eternal life.

I don’t want this boy to be born either, but I don’t tell her how to kill myself.

She knows how to do it.

 

I will be executed if I do something wrong, but I brought a man from the O Genus to her at night. He is the same as her, fair-haired and gray-eyed, and she gave herself to him.

Now she has a son under her heart, and we both know what’s in store for us when it gets out.

 

 

 

On the night before the solstice, when she was supposed to go to the Emperor, she killed herself.     The Emperor’s semen did not enter her womb.

 

She punctured her neck where the blood vessel is beating.

The blood wasn’t all drained out when the guard saw her die.

 

 

She was sentenced to the most terrible execution. They put her in a stone box with meat-eating worms face down and

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

I said I wanted to sing you a song.

I can’t sing because I’m LETO and if I sing, they’ll kill me.

 

You asked if I could say the words to this song. 

I heard it from Shining, the girl who had to bear the Emperor a son.

 

I remember the words of this song:

                               «This song is about how I love you and

                                            how I want to be with you always

                                                              I sing this song to you and you are happy

                             to hear its words.

                                                     I’m looking for your lips at night under the moon

                          And I want you to love me tonight

                                 And I will have a son just like you.

                                                   And I will always think about this night now

                                               And I will grieve that you’re gone forever,

                                                                  because we only have one night of love in a lifetime

                                                  and I will never love anyone again.

And I will wait for your son to grow up and kill them all.»

 

 

It was a song of Shining that she sang to the one she was thinking of.

 

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

I’m not what you think.

I don’t know where to start

You said start in the middle. . .

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

I wasn’t ready to tell you then. . .      not really now either    but I’ll try anyway.

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

Your world as you see it is home, and you are happy in it. . .

The house protects, it’s not just walls – it protects from what wants you to not live. . .     not to live in a shell that protects you. . .                 make you inaccessible to them. . .      those who preying on you preying. . .     .

 

                                                                      ***

 

 

And I don’t have that thing that protects you, not even a place that I can tell you about – this is my place, my hideout. . .          and no one will break in here to continue destroying me. . .

 

I am beyond your world. . .        I am a thought in space. . .              in what you call the Universe. . .              But the Universe is a very small part of my body. . .

I’ll call it the Universe of Universes, if that means anything to you. . .       .

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

Your thought was not about your world and I listened to you. . .

You didn’t ask for anything. . .        just to tell you about myself, what I wanted to say. . .        to be understood, to

And I’ve come to a point above your world where you can say. . .          the most important thing. . .             before These break in and for the feast of winter Solstice. . .

 

 

 

This is the last point. I was saving it for anyone who might want to know. . .

 

And if. . .                       then I will kill you, as well as all those who did not understand. . .            did not want to understand. . .

 

 

 

 

You thought    and I decided    the last time          from the last point.

This is the main thing       that you couldn’t give your child. What you wanted and couldn’t do. What you kept for him and didn’t have time. .

 

 

Now listen.

 

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

I don’t have a daughter anymore. The Priest took her.                  They gave me another girl. She was conceived by an Imperial son            of the second generation.

 

I don’t want to breastfeed her         I don’t want to give her the milk I wanted to raise my daughter with.

I look at the one that I was given for               and I want her not to be, that there was nothing  neither her          nor me.

 

She looked at me and smiled                     and I couldn’t help giving her my milk

So I raised her.

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

Now she doesn’t breastfeed anymore. I give her the food which

I think this is the food to raise my daughter. . .              the real one. I call her Eva.

I don’t know what they did to her. I don’t call her with a thought. . .          she will not hear. . .      she didn’t drink my milk.

 

And I don’t think she’ll recognize me         if she hears me. . .                     it’s better that way. . .

 

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

I live on the first level of the house. There where the food is made.

I’m afraid to think that they took my girl to make food out of her. . .

 

I’d rather not think about her at all.

 

 

I think that she was conceived by one of the very last ones, those who kill and butcher children for food. . .      from a butcher. . .           there were a lot of them  . . .            who fucked me. . .              until I got pregnant.

 

I don’t want to remember how it was done to me.

I thought how to conceive faster. . .               to stop.

 

 

Then I thought that there will be nothing from them in my girl. . .     that she will be like me. . .

The boy shouldn’t have been born at all. . .           I would have killed him anyway. There should not be similar to These. . .                Should not be their Genus. . .       their continuation.

So that everyone to die. So that there is no one.

 

 

 

I am looking at the girl. . .                 she is sitting on the floor and smiling at me. . .

I smiled at her. . .             I didn’t want to. . .                but I couldn’t help but answer. . .

 

So she became my. . .                   daughter. . .            not a stranger. . .

 

Sometimes I hug her tiny body and wish she would never grow up. . .         to stay my baby. . .    not to be taken away again.

 

When the girls grow up, they are taken to the upper level. . .             There where the overseers and the room for women in labor are.

 

You think that the word corral, as for cattle, would be better, but we call it a hall. . .        and the cattle are us. . .              there are no animals that you think of.

 

 

 

 

 

She wasn’t moved to the women in labor. So they will prepare me and her for the sacrifice. That’s the wrong word you have got. It’s just a murder done by Law.

 

The Law says who and how to kill. . .

According to the rules. . .             during the feast of These.

 

 

Feasts begin with the torture of victims. . .                   it can be very long – on different feasts in different ways.

There are a lot of feasts and you need to grow a lot of new sacrifices. . .              so that everything is done according to the Law.

 

 

If you do not do it according to the Law, then These will be                    they afraid even to think about it and want to do even more than the Law says.

 

To better fulfill everything, they come up with new ways of torture. . .                 and I can hear what they think for me and my daughter.

 

 

 

You weren’t supposed to know

But I hear that you figured it out.

You figured that in this Cycle I will become LETO.

 

 

You guessed and realized what I was saving for my daughter. . .            for the one that will be closest and what These want to kill.

 

 

 

 

I’ve told you everything you need to know.

 

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

You can’t call it. . .                      they don’t kill like in our world, but

 

 

 

 

                                                                      ***

 

 

 

The main thing is for you to guess the rest.      By yourself.

 

 

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