When you walked in on us – where we were – I thought another dog had been killed. . . I thought you weren’t a dog like everyone else. . . You were light and we were dark. . . Black almost. . .
I came closer to you – I thought I’d bite you if something went wrong. . .
You didn’t say anything, just thought about dogs in the sky. . . which run across the sky. . . the whole flock. . . and I thought I wouldn’t bite you right away. . . I’ll bite you later if something goes wrong. . . .
You thought about the dead dog lying in the muddy snow by the roadside. . . so I decided that I won’t bite you at all. . .
You didn’t say anything again, and I suddenly found myself in a different place. . . not the same as before. . . in another completely. . . Alone.
And you started telling me. . . .
You asked -“. . . Are you a boy?. . . ” I said «Yes».
Then you asked me if I was always a dog or a man. . . earlier, I mean. . .
So I said I wasn’t a dog before. . . More accurately, one long life before this I was also a dog. . . for thirteen years. . . and some more. . .
And then, when I came back into the dog, I didn’t want to live in it. . .
After all, it’s bad to be a dog. . . When you know that you are not a dog at all. . . You remember that you are not a dog. . . You don’t remember who you were. . . Just that you are not a dog. . . that’s all.
I decided that I would not remain in this body for another lifetime. . . I thought I was going to jump into the water and drown. . .
In that life, other dogs said that if you want to drown, you just have to stop swimming. . . row, I mean. . . After all, you’re not a fish to swim and not row. . .
Only it is difficult to make the body not row – it does it by itself.
And I came up with.
I’ll run until I have no strength left, and then I’ll jump into the water and I won’t be able to row anymore. . .
. . . I ran for a very long time. . . My tongue was dry and obstructed in my mouth. . . I fell several times – legs stopped running. . . front. . .
So I fell with my face in the ground . . . hard and frozen. . .
When I realized that I can’t run anymore, I couldn’t jump into the water – I fell off the bank and fell somewhere completely shallow. . .
My legs buckled and I began to choke. . . Then I swam. . . it just happened somehow.
I swam to a deeper place . . . wanted on to the middle. . .
My chest felt tight – the water was very cold. . .
. . . Then the hind legs started to cramp and the back went under the water – only the head remained at the top. . . My front paws were still beating the water, even though I told them not to. . . To stop it. . .
Water poured into my mouth and I began to choke. . . Then I just remember that there are no fish in the river – just muddy empty water. . . and that’s it. . .
You asked me if I remember being a boy. . .
And then I remembered. . .
I recognized this music at once – it was my mother’s idea. . . the melody of this one. . .
I heard you think it was called Oginsky’s Polonaise. . .
I don’t know who he is – this Oginsky. . .
All I know is that I heard it in my mother’s head. . . She was also like a dog back then – big, black, and thin. . . and also one side is torn out completely. . . .
I knew she wasn’t a dog at all, but the Star. . . In the Sky. . . And that I am her son. . Only killed a long time ago. . . In another life. . . When I was a boy. . . .
I’m three years old. . . My mother and I live together. . . and she’s pregnant again. . . .
This one came and raped her. . .
He is huge. . .
I wanted to grow up faster and kill him back then.
She hid me when he came. . . she told me not to get out of there, or he’d kill me. . .
He probably didn’t like that my mother had a big belly and started hitting her. . . in the face, . . . then when she fell, started kicking her in the belly. . .
I couldn’t. . . shouldn’t have hidden anymore so I hit him. . . from behind. . .
He turned around. . . he grabbed my arm. . . and threw me against the wall. . .
I still lived a little. . . Then everything went black. . .
That’s how I became a dog. . . After the boy. .
I also wanted to say that he’s not my father.
Even though my mother got pregnant with me from him. . .
And that she never thought of me as his son. . . Just a boy. . . and that’s it.
She thought of the girl who was to be born as her own daughter. . . she wanted the girl to look just like her. . . There should not be nothing of him.
Anything else from that life I don’t want to remember.
There were others. . . The same. . . . They’re all the same. . .
After all, it’s better to be a dog. . . Although there was often nothing to eat. . .
In winter, sometimes I couldn’t find anything to eat for a week. . . Hide in the hole, curl up. . . nose under the paw, so it not to freeze and try to sleep. . . to make the winter end faster. . .
But you can run away when someone wants to kill you. . . or just bite. . .
They’re afraid of us. . . stray dogs. . . No man’s.
They think we’ll bite. . . . And we just want to eat. . . so we look at them. We think maybe they give us something. . .
Although it is unlikely. . . All of them run somewhere. . . .