Mother’s Words

She was looking forward to this day. The day you were supposed to be born. . .       her son.

                                                                       ***

I never spoke to you, sonny. . .   

I was afraid These would hear my thoughts. . .       now, you don’t know about me. . .

                                                                       ***

Your father told you. . .        once. . .     at night. . .

You were three months from conception. . .

I heard what he thought about you. . .

So you don’t give up. . .         And he closed his thoughts. . .           Only he could close them like that.

He knew you’d understand. . .       Later. . .          when you grow up. . .       .

                                                                       ***

He was already. . .       already destroyed when you were supposed to be born. . .

I’m hiding in a long. . .      I don’t know what to call it. . .

It’s like a hole in an underground cave. . .    

It goes down steeply, and I’m afraid I’ll fall in there. . .     or that you’ll fall when you can crawl. . .

                                                                       ***

I catch snakes so I can eat something for you. . .      while you grow inside me. . . 

It’s better than worms. . .      only I’m afraid to die from their bite – then you will die in me, too. . .    

I want you to be born. . .        and grow up a little at least. .

I’ll teach you how to get food. . .       and you can go unnoticed. . .       until you’re all grown up.

I think I’ll teach you to think without words. . .       how could the father. . .        it’s hard to understand thoughts without words. . .       even if they hear it.

                                                                       ***

I won’t talk to you. . .        tell the Tradition. . .         I won’t teach you to do what we always teach – speak with your thoughts. . .     you’ll be like a mute. . .        This way you can cut off the trail. . .         when they’re looking for you. . .    

They’ve tracked me down and I can’t break the thread that allows them to hear me. . .     what I think in words. . .

I’m thinking of tricking them. . .     to make them decide you died after you were born. . .     so that they don’t search too hard. . .     They won’t go into the cave – they’ll be afraid. . .

                                                                       ***

We’re not talking, but you’ve learned everything and now you can feed yourself. . .

I’ll leave tonight, . . .      as far away from our hole as possible. . .    to lose the thread leading to you. . .    .

I will live alone and confuse the mental trail – maybe this way I will be able to save you. . .

I’m crying. . .     that’s bad. . .

When you cry, they always hear you. . .       They will be looking for. . .

                                                                       ***

I figured out how to tell the Tradition. . .     and how to tell you about your father. . .    all of us . . .      who have already been destroyed by These.. .

I will tell you turning to the void. . .        to the Abyss. . .

I don’t know if you can hear. . .     if you can understand. . .

But this way They won’t be able to understand that you exist. . .      that you are alive. . .

They’ll think I’m gone mad – I’m talking to myself. . .             They’ll kill anyway, of course. . .

But you will know . . .      I hope. . .  

Words can live a long time. . .     after they are said. . .         if anyone has heard, of course. . .

Well they found me. . .   

It seems I’ve managed to say everything. . .         the Main thing. . .        I love you son. . .      and don’t give up. . .    

You are the last of the line brought from Earth. . .     from O. . .           the last.