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                                                                   Me

 

 

 

I live near them. . .     I like them. . .       I think of him as my Father.

He’s big and handsome. . .    Long blond hair. . .         Gray eyes with rays. .

They are happy with her. . .

They have no children. . .      Therefore, not quite. . .       .

Maybe there will be. . .    

 

 

I’m small. . .   about the size of your cat, I guess. . .    looks like a turtle without a shell. . 

Front paws are there. . .  there are no hind ones. . .

I crawl like a worm. . .      or rather, like a slug – bending in my stomach. . .     and dragging what’s behind. . 

 

He loves me. . .   He feeds me small fishes so I don’t eat shit behind the house anymore. .   I’m a little shit-eater – I was born a shit-eater. They weren’t shit eaters before, they were eating grass. . .      Then the grass was gone. . .

 

 

He sometimes calls me with the thought: “oOh?”  I hear it and crawl to him. . .   I’ll snuggle up to his warm naked foot and look into his eyes. .      I can hear what He’s thinking. . .  about me. . .    That I’m like a little son to him. . .    that I’ve got nice yellow with gray spots eyes.

My skin is rough and hairless, but He pats my head like I’m a small fair-haired boy clinging to his feet. . .       just very small. .

And He thinks, ” You’ll grow up. . .     “.  

And then he tries to stop the thought and says to himself – DON’t GIVE UP. . .

 

 

The one who gave birth to me was killed by These. .      They came when He and She weren’t home. . .     And killed. .

The skin was taken off right outside the house – I saw everything. . .         .

They don’t eat the shit-eaters’ meat – it stinks a lot. . .       but they need skins. . .      .

They make different things from it. . .     .

 

She is good and kind – the one who gave birth to me. . .    But for some reason I can’t call her my mother. .   She’s a very big turtle. . .    .

She also thought I was a freak – I was born without hind legs – I couldn’t even crawl properly.

And I don’t look like a turtle. . .       just a worm with two paws. . .    . 

She didn’t tell me anything. . .      Only cried sometimes silently. . .    .

She didn’t say anything to anyone at all. . .     just push with a big warm nose to the shit –          ” Like eat. . .        and I’ll eat later. . .       if it stays.”

I could hear her thoughts and tried to eat a little so that she would have some left. . .    .

 

She knew, heard, . . .     These were coming. . .    .

She nudged me with her nose – “Crawl to the rocks. . . hide.”

For the first time she said. . .       She was afraid I wouldn’t understand cause I’m a freak. . .

And I immediately crawled. . .     She even seemed to smile – so not really a freak if he understands what will happen. . .      And I only then realized what. . .     When I was sitting in a crack between the rocks. . .     .     She couldn’t run or hide. . .     And didn’t want to. .

 

They didn’t notice me.

I didn’t cry in the crack then. . .     I wanted to. . .       I don’t know what I wanted. . .   Everything in my head shrank and became dead. . .      .      So I stared unblinkingly as they butchered her.

 

 

 

When He and She returned, I stood propping myself up by the remains of the one who had given birth to me, and I was afraid to even look at them. . .     as if I’m to blame for everything. . .       .

 

He picked me up from the ground, held me up to his face, and looked me in the eyes. . .    As a child. . .      as his child. . .     Like an unborn son. . .      As a human.      I felt his breath. . .     it’s such. . .             I always thought it was like that. . .         .

 

He thought I shouldn’t eat shit anymore. . .     He will try to catch small fishes for me. They are too small for him and you can’t catch many of them. . .      and for me it’s enough. . .     and I won’t starve. . .     that he’ll take care of me. . .       and it’s nothing that I don’t have hind paws. . .      and anyway. . .    .

He washed me with water from a clay pot, and She looked at us and smiled in a special     way. . .      That day it seemed to me that I was the same human. . .        that I could become a human. . .       .

 

 

 

Then He stoned the remains of the one who gave birth to me, and for the first time I thought of her as my mother. . .        about her kind eyes and warm nose. . .     .

I could hear what she was thinking all the time. . .      That she’s from the O. . .     that she’s human, only somehow trapped in this horrible body. . .     .

 

 

Soon the worms will smell her decaying body and crawl out of the ground.

He and She will have food. . .      Not for long, but it will. . 

Then we’ll see. . .     That’s the way he spoke as if he were addressing someone. . 

She slept as if she was all huddled up. . .      and He gently stroked her blond hair with his fingers. . .      like me. . .      sometimes.

 

I stood in the doorway propping myself up as best as I could. . .        I leaned against the doorpost to keep from falling, this way I can stand for a very long time. . .

He kept saying to himself – DON’t GIVE UP. . .     

and I repeated after his thoughts – DON’t GIVE UP, DON’t GIVE UP.

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