I live near them. . . I like them. . . I think of him as my Father.
He’s big and handsome. . . Long blond hair. . . Gray eyes with rays. .
They are happy with her. . .
They have no children. . . Therefore, not quite. . . .
Maybe there will be. . .
I’m small. . . about the size of your cat, I guess. . . looks like a turtle without a shell. .
Front paws are there. . . there are no hind ones. . .
I crawl like a worm. . . or rather, like a slug – bending in my stomach. . . and dragging what’s behind. .
He loves me. . . He feeds me small fishes so I don’t eat shit behind the house anymore. . I’m a little shit-eater – I was born a shit-eater. They weren’t shit eaters before, they were eating grass. . . Then the grass was gone. . .
He sometimes calls me with the thought: “oOh?” I hear it and crawl to him. . . I’ll snuggle up to his warm naked foot and look into his eyes. . I can hear what He’s thinking. . . about me. . . That I’m like a little son to him. . . that I’ve got nice yellow with gray spots eyes.
My skin is rough and hairless, but He pats my head like I’m a small fair-haired boy clinging to his feet. . . just very small. .
And He thinks, ” You’ll grow up. . . “.
And then he tries to stop the thought and says to himself – DON’t GIVE UP. . .
The one who gave birth to me was killed by These. . They came when He and She weren’t home. . . And killed. .
The skin was taken off right outside the house – I saw everything. . . .
They don’t eat the shit-eaters’ meat – it stinks a lot. . . but they need skins. . . .
They make different things from it. . . .
She is good and kind – the one who gave birth to me. . . But for some reason I can’t call her my mother. . She’s a very big turtle. . . .
She also thought I was a freak – I was born without hind legs – I couldn’t even crawl properly.
And I don’t look like a turtle. . . just a worm with two paws. . . .
She didn’t tell me anything. . . Only cried sometimes silently. . . .
She didn’t say anything to anyone at all. . . just push with a big warm nose to the shit – ” Like eat. . . and I’ll eat later. . . if it stays.”
I could hear her thoughts and tried to eat a little so that she would have some left. . . .
She knew, heard, . . . These were coming. . . .
She nudged me with her nose – “Crawl to the rocks. . . hide.”
For the first time she said. . . She was afraid I wouldn’t understand cause I’m a freak. . .
And I immediately crawled. . . She even seemed to smile – so not really a freak if he understands what will happen. . . And I only then realized what. . . When I was sitting in a crack between the rocks. . . . She couldn’t run or hide. . . And didn’t want to. .
They didn’t notice me.
I didn’t cry in the crack then. . . I wanted to. . . I don’t know what I wanted. . . Everything in my head shrank and became dead. . . . So I stared unblinkingly as they butchered her.
When He and She returned, I stood propping myself up by the remains of the one who had given birth to me, and I was afraid to even look at them. . . as if I’m to blame for everything. . . .
He picked me up from the ground, held me up to his face, and looked me in the eyes. . . As a child. . . as his child. . . Like an unborn son. . . As a human. I felt his breath. . . it’s such. . . I always thought it was like that. . . .
He thought I shouldn’t eat shit anymore. . . He will try to catch small fishes for me. They are too small for him and you can’t catch many of them. . . and for me it’s enough. . . and I won’t starve. . . that he’ll take care of me. . . and it’s nothing that I don’t have hind paws. . . and anyway. . . .
He washed me with water from a clay pot, and She looked at us and smiled in a special way. . . That day it seemed to me that I was the same human. . . that I could become a human. . . .
Then He stoned the remains of the one who gave birth to me, and for the first time I thought of her as my mother. . . about her kind eyes and warm nose. . . .
I could hear what she was thinking all the time. . . That she’s from the O. . . that she’s human, only somehow trapped in this horrible body. . . .
Soon the worms will smell her decaying body and crawl out of the ground.
He and She will have food. . . Not for long, but it will. .
Then we’ll see. . . That’s the way he spoke as if he were addressing someone. .
She slept as if she was all huddled up. . . and He gently stroked her blond hair with his fingers. . . like me. . . sometimes.
I stood in the doorway propping myself up as best as I could. . . I leaned against the doorpost to keep from falling, this way I can stand for a very long time. . .
He kept saying to himself – DON’t GIVE UP. . .
and I repeated after his thoughts – DON’t GIVE UP, DON’t GIVE UP.