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Februaryan

 

 

My thoughts go back to this day…

 

                                                                       ***

 

You have to come out today, but it shouldn’t be done.

Everyone who comes out today will be destroyed.

Have some patience. . .

 

I know I shouldn’t do it – keep you of coming out,         but you’ll realize that you shouldn’t do it now. . .

 

 

I try not to think about how it was in my previous life. . .

 

 

. . .     I’m lying on the table. . .              This One is waiting when you to start coming out. . .

 

I could not. . .

You must not to remember that. . .

 

 

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

You were almost born once. You were found inside me. . .      before you came out.  The sixteenth. . .

                                                                       ***

 

It was a long winter and no ships arrived.

They come to pick up those who are about to give birth.  They need unborn children.                        So that they can make their own from these.

 

 

I was hiding under the ground in a long cave and These did not hear your thoughts – the baby also wants to come out faster and it can be heard.

 

 

 

I’ve been waiting for this day when you can come out and I asked you not to rush me. You wanted to come out two days ago, on the thirteenth,         but it wasn’t possible then – I knew it.

 

You said you were running out of time to come out and you would have to go back to the unborn. . .

Then I decided.

 

 

I came out of the cave. . .           It was morning. The snow near the entrance is almost up to the top. . .

I looked at the place where the sun should rise and asked for help to give birth to you.

 

I went back to the far corner and waited. . .

You didn’t move. I got scared and started crying. You were silent. .

And I knew that Death had taken you.

 

You are my little son, my gray-eyed. . .          like Father. Find me in another world. . . where you’ve gone and where I want to go too.

Why should I live without you and without Him – the one I loved and wanted you to be like Him – strong and

 

 

I left the cave and went through the snow field to the forest. To where I want to die. . . to our meadow among the pines. . .

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

These days will also be in your life – the days when you were destroyed before you were born. . .         That’s why you will be born as the spoilage. . .     to another woman. . .      and become a stranger to us.

 

We won’t be able to see what’s left of the O genus in you – the damage is too big. . .

 

We do not think that you will be able to understand us and our history will die with you – who of those who destroyed us will want to remember how it was. .

 

 

We will slowly die too. . .      sinking deeper and deeper into the Black Water with each new Cycle. It is a river with Black Water – it takes what is still left of us further and further into the Abyss. . .

 

 

We haven’t been able to cry for a long time – to cry, you need to be a little alive at least.

 

                                                                       ***

 

We do not know what you will look like – because the parts of this boy’s soul will follow the path of each of the pieces of his torn and turned into a bloody mess body. . .

 

These danced on them for a long time. . .       trampling in the shit and dirt what was left. .

 

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

We didn’t want to tell you this, but you asked. . 

 

This is the worst month for the birth of a boy – he will not have a son. . .           his son. .

His – means one who will be like him. . . – so that his genus will continue. .

 

 

But it was necessary you be born in February. We need it. It is necessary that you have no son, that your genus should end.

 

We don’t know exactly what day Death will choose for your coming out, but we’ll wait until it’s possible.

 

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

You were born when we were gone. . .

It’s a pity of course. . .

It’s a pity we can’t protect you.

You’ll do everything yourself. . .      We won’t be here to tell you how to do it. . .

 

 

 

 

We have nothing to give you. . . we can’t do it from here. . .      from this

 

You won’t even be able to hear us. . .    our voices can’t come out of this place.

 

 

 

 

***

 

You said you wanted to give toys to our children

But we can only raise the thought of them – we are just like thoughts ourselves. . .

 

 

 

 

 

Those were stupid thoughts. . .     your thoughts

but we like them. . .

 

We don’t like you, but we like your thoughts. . . you are a fool. . .

 

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

 

I don’t know what else to say to you. . . Februaryan.

 

You have to decide what you have to do.

The piece of soul that you got can only indicate where the Dark Waters flow.

 

 

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